Post by sanyand3 on Mar 25, 2017 18:08:41 GMT
I and my ex are 50 years old and have been in a long term relationship for 3 1/2 years.
We were soul mates and perfect and so in love but gradually he became abusive and finally even sought some help for a time when I moved out.
I moved back in and we were engaged on our 2 year anniversary. Everything was wonderful and then it started again.
We went to a church class and he even started to go to some anger management classes when I again moved out and broke the engagement.
However, he felt that his real problem was alcohol and quit drinking and been sober about 8 months. But, he quit AA and is not going thru the recovery process. Then he no longer wanted to go for help regarding the verbal abuse either.
It is hard for me now looking back to know if he really is a narcissist and wants to be abusive or the man that I have seen so broken over his failures and hurt he put me thru over and over again. But, without real help we never were able to get to the bottom of it.
He kissed me and promised me at his family's on Christmas Eve, our 4th Christmas together that he loved me and was going to be fixed and that we would grow old together.
Then 3 days later he broke off cold and any little contact by phone was not great. I did see him twice and we were able to be civil and I can see he is feeling but I am not sure what?
I have been no contact for a little for about 2 months.
But he put that he is in a relationship with someone since Jan 7th on Facebook just a week after he completely discarded me. They live 2 hours apart and I know he literally met her online and went to see her about a week after our break up.
He sent me a poem right before he left saying he knew he had crushed, bruised and kicked my soul and that I deserve more than apologies but to have him shield the darkness away from me into the light. His marriage before me was with a woman for 18 years that I am good friends with her mother. She was extremely abusive to him and don’t know now if they were abusive to each other or what? Her mother and he both said that she was nuts and even hit him over the head with a ball bat and stabbed him with a fork. I don’t know how much was learned and he is still suffering or what. And why would he suddenly break it off cold, say he wants no help and go to another woman just a few days later? He was not having a affair this I know. He got online and found her immediately and went to her house that weekend. She lives 2 hours from him and it all just seems crazy?!!!!!
Now I have been served with a restraining order because I went to get some of my things one daya little over a month ago I did stop by his house in hopes of getting some of my belongings and mail. I knocked but no answer so I went in since it was unlocked. Gave me an opportunity to get some closure as I walked around the home I had done so much work on but also seeing how his mom cleans for him and put pics of new girl up all over the house wasn't easy.
I did get to say goodbye to a part of my life, took what belongings of mine that I could find and left a dear John note but nothing threatening just the fact that I realize he is not capable of feeling and I wasted too much time on him.
The next day I received a email from him threatening to file felony charges against me if I did not take things off of my facebook. I blocked him long before that and I have never mentioned his name since Christmas. He is the one that posted in a relationship the next week and I just had to deal with it but never have said anything about him.
I was served this past Tuesday at work with an exparte. I don't know how he even got it!!! His statement is so juvenile but I know it is just still him trying to control even from behind the scenes. I went through all of it when he was going through his divorce with his ex.
I did go file mine which has actual acts of abuse and fear I have experienced through the years but they denied mine and said it will be considered when we go to court. He is being summoned along with my statement and our court date is April 11th....my sons 14th birthday no less.
I am going to contact legal aid to see if I can get an attorney, advocate or at least advice on exactly what I should and should not do in court....I would appreciate any advice. I don't want an exparte on my record and never gone through anything like this. He already has one on his from his ex.....do you think he will actually be able to get one against me? He never said he was in danger, admitted the door was unlocked and no one was home, admitted I took nothing of his but still wants me to take things off my facebook. As I said I have not posted anything about him and I blocked him so somehow he is finding a way to look at my FB.
Can a abuser literally get an exparte against the one he abused?
We were soul mates and perfect and so in love but gradually he became abusive and finally even sought some help for a time when I moved out.
I moved back in and we were engaged on our 2 year anniversary. Everything was wonderful and then it started again.
We went to a church class and he even started to go to some anger management classes when I again moved out and broke the engagement.
However, he felt that his real problem was alcohol and quit drinking and been sober about 8 months. But, he quit AA and is not going thru the recovery process. Then he no longer wanted to go for help regarding the verbal abuse either.
It is hard for me now looking back to know if he really is a narcissist and wants to be abusive or the man that I have seen so broken over his failures and hurt he put me thru over and over again. But, without real help we never were able to get to the bottom of it.
He kissed me and promised me at his family's on Christmas Eve, our 4th Christmas together that he loved me and was going to be fixed and that we would grow old together.
Then 3 days later he broke off cold and any little contact by phone was not great. I did see him twice and we were able to be civil and I can see he is feeling but I am not sure what?
I have been no contact for a little for about 2 months.But he put that he is in a relationship with someone since Jan 7th on Facebook just a week after he completely discarded me. They live 2 hours apart and I know he literally met her online and went to see her about a week after our break up.
He sent me a poem right before he left saying he knew he had crushed, bruised and kicked my soul and that I deserve more than apologies but to have him shield the darkness away from me into the light. His marriage before me was with a woman for 18 years that I am good friends with her mother. She was extremely abusive to him and don’t know now if they were abusive to each other or what? Her mother and he both said that she was nuts and even hit him over the head with a ball bat and stabbed him with a fork. I don’t know how much was learned and he is still suffering or what. And why would he suddenly break it off cold, say he wants no help and go to another woman just a few days later? He was not having a affair this I know. He got online and found her immediately and went to her house that weekend. She lives 2 hours from him and it all just seems crazy?!!!!!
Now I have been served with a restraining order because I went to get some of my things one daya little over a month ago I did stop by his house in hopes of getting some of my belongings and mail. I knocked but no answer so I went in since it was unlocked. Gave me an opportunity to get some closure as I walked around the home I had done so much work on but also seeing how his mom cleans for him and put pics of new girl up all over the house wasn't easy.
I did get to say goodbye to a part of my life, took what belongings of mine that I could find and left a dear John note but nothing threatening just the fact that I realize he is not capable of feeling and I wasted too much time on him.
The next day I received a email from him threatening to file felony charges against me if I did not take things off of my facebook. I blocked him long before that and I have never mentioned his name since Christmas. He is the one that posted in a relationship the next week and I just had to deal with it but never have said anything about him.
I was served this past Tuesday at work with an exparte. I don't know how he even got it!!! His statement is so juvenile but I know it is just still him trying to control even from behind the scenes. I went through all of it when he was going through his divorce with his ex.
I did go file mine which has actual acts of abuse and fear I have experienced through the years but they denied mine and said it will be considered when we go to court. He is being summoned along with my statement and our court date is April 11th....my sons 14th birthday no less.
I am going to contact legal aid to see if I can get an attorney, advocate or at least advice on exactly what I should and should not do in court....I would appreciate any advice. I don't want an exparte on my record and never gone through anything like this. He already has one on his from his ex.....do you think he will actually be able to get one against me? He never said he was in danger, admitted the door was unlocked and no one was home, admitted I took nothing of his but still wants me to take things off my facebook. As I said I have not posted anything about him and I blocked him so somehow he is finding a way to look at my FB.
Can a abuser literally get an exparte against the one he abused?
