Hey Chakra..it is hard, no matter what we tell ourselves in our head, our heart still hurts. And it is very normal to feel hurt. It sounds like you have done so much in such a short time. Kudos to you for getting out and staying out. That in itself is a huge accomplishment.
I have been in 3 abusive relationships in 30 years. Was married to one, believed the other two wanted to marry me (and I wanted to marry them). The worst was # 3. He followed a very typical pattern of an abuser. He is the one who caused me to start my research and begin to learn what abuse is all about.He was horrible and he hurt the most even though we were only together for about a year. I met him online after deciding to divorce my now ex-husband. I jumped from the "frying pan into the oven".
I did all the things you did. Both of these ABUSERS in my life "replaced" me fairly quickly. #3 started dating another woman he met online 4 weeks after he kicked me out of his house. One of those weeks included him wooing me back and promising that we would look at rings and think about getting married. I fell for it briefly. He later married that girl...they were engaged 6 months after I left. I was shocked, angered, hurt, deeply hurt, and still somehow feel horrible that I wasn't good enough for him.
My head knows I was more than good enough..he didn't deserve me. My heart..feels something different. My heart says "why didn't he want to marry me?" "I loved him with my whole heart I gave him everything and it wasn't good enough". "Oh my, how could he love her already when he just told me he loved me a few weeks before?" All these thoughts and the only answer is "it is my fault, I must have messed up, because she didn't mess up, she got him and married him". My ex-husband? He replaced me with his sister..not in a perverted way. He played the "Victim" role incredibly well, and he did it all the time and was very successful. He has gotten people to take care of him his whole life. I did it for 26 years. I did everything for this guy, paid the mortgage, took care of our children, took care of our home, bought the cars, planned every event and activity, EVERYTHING..and when the house finally sold and he had to move...he moved in with his sister (he can't afford to live on his own) and she is now taking care of him. He moved in for "a few months"..he has been there for over 2 years and no sign of going anywhere soon.
They do move on fast..because they need to control, they need to abuse..it is what they do. AND them replacing you? Obviously you were the problem in the relationship because look..he found someone so quickly..it must have been you. NOT! We all know it is them.
They are JERKS..they are ABUSIVE and sadly, the next partner will get abused as well. AND you can warn them, I promise you it won't make a difference. I warned the girl my ex boyfriend (#3) is now married to. I can't believe she is happy. She heeded my warning initially, but she got hooked very quickly and she went back to him.
None of what your ex did was your fault. You deserved none of it and there will be karma someday for him. I am glad you have not texted him. He will abuse you more..telling him how you feel will not turn out well. It may seem like it initially..like maybe he will care..but honestly..you will be adding fuel to his fire. It is only giving him opportunity to hurt you more. I have learned that nothing really hurts them much. They get annoyed because you are not going along with the plan. Not because you are upset.
At some point..perhaps consider going to counseling? One of the very best things I did was go to my local Domestic Violence center and I received free counselling. It saved me. I even stopped for a while and went back after being "triggered" by an abusive superior at my job. Also..begin to read "Why Does He Do That?" If you haven't already. It is a great resource for helping us to understand what happened and why it happened and why we feel the way we do..even though we don't want to go back. I talked to a friend recently..she is 23 years out from an abusive marriage and her PTSD symptoms still get triggered. I am 3 years out..I still get triggered. It still stings.
Don't give up Chakra..please don't contact him, resist the urge. I know it hurts..when those feelings come, perhaps go for a walk, turn off your phone or tablet, take a drive, do something good and nice for YOU. Distract yourself in someway. Anything you have to do to prevent you from calling him.
If you ever need to just vent, or chat, or let it all out..just come here and type away. We are here to listen and help anytime!
