janine
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Posts: 1,185
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Post by janine on Aug 20, 2017 2:18:53 GMT
It's been a while, and life is busy. But this forum will always have a special place in my heart. And especially you two, Karen and Steve!!
Hopefully I will be able to check in more often now that it is fall again. Work has been hectic, and life good, but ...also hectic.
8 years after leaving my abusive ex boyfriend, my world could not be more different than it was when I dated him. For anyone still in abusive relationships, please know that there is a life after abuse. Things do really get back to normal. Healing is possible.
Had you told me that even five years ago, I would have thought: "yeah, for others it is possible. But...not me. I am more broken. The shit I experienced in that relationship, combined with my toxic childhood, ...broke me. So I won't be one of those lucky 'success stories'."
Yes. You can be one of those. Yes. It can change. And yes, you will be ok again. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, or next week. But eventually.
There are healthy and normal men out there. Life with a healthy man/woman is still super exciting, but...on top of that it is safe and nurturing.
Don't give up. Be kind to yourself. One step at a time.
oxoxox
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karen
Member
"Trust Your Journey"
Posts: 1,518
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Post by karen on Aug 20, 2017 20:28:31 GMT
HEY JANINE!! SO nice to hear from you! I figured you were busy with work, and life in general! So glad you are doing well and you are so right..there is life after abuse and it can be a GREAT life.
Great message of hope! Thank you for that!
Being kind to ourselves is so important! Finding what brings you joy, even if it is just a very small thing like eating your favorite ice cream every Friday after a long week of work. All the little things in life..they may seem insignificant alone, but you add them all together and they add to a great picture of hope and happiness.
I recently realized that I was using a lot of energy and time focusing on some negative aspects of a relationship I am in. There is negative in every part of life and every relationship. BUT the more I focused on it, the more negative I became. It started to consume me and started to make me re-think the situation. AND to clarify, I am not in an abusive relationship now. BUt being in a healthy relationship can be challenging as we have to learn how to be in a "healthy" relationship when all we have known is abuse. I let the negativity I was creating in my head consume me. My relationship is really good, but I am so used to focusing on negativity that I do it a lot. It is almost a habit at times. I also am always looking for signs that my guy is abusive, he is not. I know he is not, but I get scared that I am going down a bad road again with another guy who is not good for me. No one is perfect. I am not perfect and neither is he. BUT we both are learning how to be healthy. My point is, find a way to be kind, to focus on the good in life if you are out of an abusive relationship.
Enjoy the day!
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Post by badger71 on Aug 21, 2017 17:59:38 GMT
Janine, I'm not surprised that this site 'has a special place in your heart', it is a fantastic resource. I myself am not a victim of abuse but found it whilst looking for help in supporting someone very close and dear to me who is and has been in one form another for the greater part of her life. I was doing my best to give her support, but it hasn't been easy as Ive (luckily) I haven't been in that position myself and struggled at times to understand her behaviours and often why she rejected my help. Today, I have just been with her at her new house helping her move in. Her house she shared with her abusive husband has been sold and divorce papers have been served. Its taken a long time for her to get to this point, to start to re-build the self confidence to do so, but she is getting there! I have done my best to help her but realise that I am no expert, no matter how much I have read on the subject of abuse, and thankfully she has also accepted help from other sources i.e. counselling and the local women's DVDA support group. Both have helped in different ways but it was after attending the local DVDA group that she then started to use the word 'abuse' herself that I realised she had turned a very big corner, recognising that everything she had endured over many years of marriage to a Narcissist was 'abuse'. For me personally, it has been a struggle trying to understand and cope with her emotions and sometimes having all her anger and frustrations directed at me. It was for this reason I started to use this forum and over the past 6 months have had regular contact with a HH forum member. I wont name them, but they know who they are and they have been fantastic and helped me so much, for which I will be eternally grateful.
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Post by chakra7 on Aug 30, 2017 9:18:55 GMT
Thanks for posting the message, it gives me and hundreds of others hope life will be better one day .
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karen
Member
"Trust Your Journey"
Posts: 1,518
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Post by karen on Sept 1, 2017 5:22:38 GMT
Hey Chakra..please don't ever give up! Take one day at a time and one thing I try hard to do everyday is be kind to myself. I also try very hard (some days it is easier than others) to not let the ABUSER have any power over my thoughts and feelings. If I do..then he (or she) wins. And the very last thing I want is for him to have ANY thought or sign from me that he still matters.
Thinking of you! It will get better..Trust Your Journey, it will take you to the happiness you long for! Karen
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