Post by polarone on Dec 18, 2017 20:35:09 GMT
Please don't feel the need to respond... I know I'm a stuck record and a lot of you have been very patient in your listening... I just need to write Tydd down.
I feel like i have been doing so well. No contact, reconnecting with friends I lost due to my ex not liking them, Reading the book I was advised to read by Karen, and everything seemed to make sense.. I was with a narcissist who tried to control me, who beat me and tried to kill me and treated my daughter in a way that was manipulative and cold.
I am back to blaming myself again.
When we met, my ex was wonderful, kind, sweet.
Does Charity work
Does lots for others
I lied about things in my past, things that happened years and years almost a decade before we even met regarding my daughter.
My ex would say I over stepped their boundaries, when they disappeared for days and sometimes weeks on end without contact, after threatening suicide, not being able to get hold of them, I would message their friend to try and frantically and crazily get hold of them.the ex was very angry about this and fell out with their friend because they responded to me.
I was broken up with because of this, for stepping over my exes boundaries by getting friends involved in our relationship and therefore causing trouble between their friendship. My ex cut the friend out of their life and blamed me for it. I now know they are friends again and I feel like my ex manipulated the both of us and I hate myself for feeling bothered by this. Why? Am I the controlling and abusive one? My ex would always say I split that friendship up. That it was my fault. Do my feelings now of anger and being bothered somehow support what they were saying? Is that why my ex was controlling with me and my friends, is that why I was hit? Whenever I tried to make friends with their friends, I would be accused of flirting, called a whore.. Was I the abusive one? Did I deserve it?
I feel so confused and ashamed. I have not and will not contact my ex again. They tried to get me back into their life to silence me, I'm almost sure of it, I just feel so trapped with no one to talk to besides my therapist.
I feel like i have been doing so well. No contact, reconnecting with friends I lost due to my ex not liking them, Reading the book I was advised to read by Karen, and everything seemed to make sense.. I was with a narcissist who tried to control me, who beat me and tried to kill me and treated my daughter in a way that was manipulative and cold.
I am back to blaming myself again.
When we met, my ex was wonderful, kind, sweet.
Does Charity work
Does lots for others
I lied about things in my past, things that happened years and years almost a decade before we even met regarding my daughter.
My ex would say I over stepped their boundaries, when they disappeared for days and sometimes weeks on end without contact, after threatening suicide, not being able to get hold of them, I would message their friend to try and frantically and crazily get hold of them.the ex was very angry about this and fell out with their friend because they responded to me.
I was broken up with because of this, for stepping over my exes boundaries by getting friends involved in our relationship and therefore causing trouble between their friendship. My ex cut the friend out of their life and blamed me for it. I now know they are friends again and I feel like my ex manipulated the both of us and I hate myself for feeling bothered by this. Why? Am I the controlling and abusive one? My ex would always say I split that friendship up. That it was my fault. Do my feelings now of anger and being bothered somehow support what they were saying? Is that why my ex was controlling with me and my friends, is that why I was hit? Whenever I tried to make friends with their friends, I would be accused of flirting, called a whore.. Was I the abusive one? Did I deserve it?
I feel so confused and ashamed. I have not and will not contact my ex again. They tried to get me back into their life to silence me, I'm almost sure of it, I just feel so trapped with no one to talk to besides my therapist.