Contacted after 10+ years?

Hi Chel, welcome here. I would be upset as well, and you have every reason to be concerned. Wow, you are right, 10 years is a very long time. The sad part is they don't ever really forget. It may seem like they do, but he probably has no one in his life right now and he needs a "fix" so he is seeking out someone to pay attention to him.

If there is a local Domestic Violence Center nearby where you live, it may pay to give them a call or a visit for possible advice. I am thinking a restraining order could be a possible option, but it has been ten years, so not sure what restrictions there are.

Blocking him like you have is good and you are doing all the right things. You could also call the police and ask them for advice? From what you have said, you have every reason to be concerned. The nightmares you are having are very understandable as this guy poked himself back into your life and it is triggering the trauma he put on you from the past. AND, he acted like nothing happened between you, like you are "old friends" who need to catch up. That is a tactic abusers use, " saying he has changed, he is better, he wouldn't hurt anyone, he is different," NOT! It is BS and he is laying it on thick. He is messing with you and he is doing it on purpose.

The DV center is a good place for some emotional support as well, dealing with all those triggers can be really upsetting.

Honestly, don't underestimate this jerk. I truly hope he stays away, but I wouldn't trust that he will do the right thing.In fact, it is very probable that he won't go away so easily. He is a Narcissist and he needs his "fix" like an alcoholic needs his alcohol, or someone addicted to nicotine needs a cigarette. He went to a "source " (you) that he believes he can easily get what he wants. The little bit of interaction that you gave him, may be enough to make him go away. He may get bored when he finds that he can't get what he wants from you.

One thing to seriously consider, is do not answer him in any way, shape, or form. Meaning, don't give him what he wants which is attention. If he texts you, don't answer, if he messages you on FB ignore it or delete it, same with e-mail. If they are threatening in anyway, keep it as evidence and you can try and get a restraining order against him.

One thing that helped me feel more in control is I purchased some pepper spray. It is a simple thing to carry and it could give you a few seconds to get away which could make a big difference in a DV situation.  Also, if you see him around the town where you live? don't approach him, don't give him any satisfaction that he is getting to you in any way. NO CONTACT..NONE. It sends a message to him that he can't hurt you anymore and that he doesn't matter to you.  He wants attention. The VERY BEST thing you can do is nothing. Don't even make eye contact. I know doing "nothing" feels like you are letting him win. Actually, he isn't winning. You are taking control of your life and deciding who can and can't be in it. Your inner voice wants to tell him to go "F" himself. Yelling at him, telling him not to contact you, telling him to go screw himself..that is all attention, it sends a message to him that he is getting to you and that is what he wants. So, don't give him any attention.

I know this is scary and hard and nerve racking. The National Domestic Violence Hotline  is 1-800-799-7233, and talk to a counselor. You can remain anonymous. They can be very helpful and supportive.

I was lucky, my last emotionally abusive jerk( there have been 3 over 30 years), met someone new 4 weeks after he kicked me out of his house. He contacted me 5 months later, wanting to get back together. I truly believe it is because he was fighting with his girlfriend and he had no one to pay attention to him. He literally got abusive with me after a few texts and e-mails, mostly because I was really resistant to talking to him. Sadly, I kept texting and e-mailing, as I still had feelings for him. I regretted all of it. I was never hit by him, but even that small interaction with him triggered me. I think his girlfriend came back because they got engaged a few weeks later. He had to tell me, mostly to punish me. I wished them to rot ever after. I feel sorry for her, but I warned her twice of his crap and she still married him. He didn't hit her like her ex-husband did, so I guess she thought she had hit the jackpot. I have changed my last name, I have blocked him and her on FB, I have them blocked on my e-mail, and I haven't blocked him on my phone, only because I don't know how to do that and I would be very surprised if he remembers my phone number. I am sending the message that no matter what you put on FB..it won't bother me because he is blocked, I don't see it. Believe me, he still "punishes" me and his ex-wife, by putting things on FB that are clearly there to hurt me or her or both of us.

Also, if you have people in your life who you trust, people who you feel care about you?  I would urge you to take a leap of faith and tell them what is going on. I am not saying you have to give all the details, but right now the awareness level of DV is very high in the USA society. Victims of abuse /DV are being believed  when they talk about it. I told a lot of people what had happened to me, mostly because if something terrible happened (like I disappeared), I wanted people to know who to suspect first. I didn't share all the intimate details, but I wanted them to know I was abused and it was real.  And my friends believe me. The guy friends I have are protective of me. They want to know if someone is trying to hurt me.

So, don't suffer in silence. Victims of abuse feel a lot of shame. Please don't feel embarrassed. DV happens to 1 in 3 women. Chances are you have friends who also have experienced DV. I belong to a group of 6 women, we all graduated from high school together. 3 of us have been victims of abuse. Please know, you are not alone. You don't have to live in fear, there are people who can help you to get through this.

Thinking of you Chel. Please let us know how you are doing.
Karen