Post by Guest1990 on Oct 27, 2017 8:31:25 GMT
For those who have spoken to me on here before and offered comforting advice regarding my current relationship, i ask for further guidance in regards to something i understand very little about, the process itself, and the actions and reactions to an event that took place last night. Let me give you a bit of a back story.
My partner asked to use my phone, i obliged, handed it her and she proceeded to do what she needed, handed it me back and we moved on. On the sofa later the evening she asked why i had slept with someone else, this was based on a message she saw in August, i have no secrets in our relationship, as such i have non with anyone here, the message was from the clinic just confirming that all test results were clear. You, like my partner, will ask why you needed to get tested, but the only reason i was there was because i had a tiny lump on my backside. The ONLY reason i didn't mention this to anyone was because i was embarrassed by it, the lump was nothing but a skin tag in the end, but for piece of mind they suggest i do a urine test and some bloods whilst there, hence the "All Clear" result in a text. I explained this and my partner insisted going onto my phone. I again obliged and she went through EVERYTHING, pictures, text messages you name it with a fine tooth comb and a "i'm good at catching people out" smile on her face she found nothing except the number of a female friends flat mate who i once put up some furniture for whilst me and my partner were never spoke beyond that furniture installation. She rang her number, and messaged her to find out that what i was saying was actually factual and i was installing furniture at their flat and the number was exchanged to simply arrange a time to go back and finish (which i never did) I blocked the number and thought nothing more of it as i didn't need my friends flat mates contact details anymore.
Following this, and finding no evidence of wrong doing on my phone i was asked to download my Whatsapp application. I must say, when i got with my partner, i had Snapchat and Whatsapp but due to ongoing trust issues i agreed i would delete them both to keep the peace, i got Whatsapp back once to receive a photo of some guitars from my brother but immediately deleted it afterwards (which can i add i was questioned about as she downloaded the app and saw that i had been online recently) but, sticking to this issue, i did as asked reluctantly i admit, this was because she said all my chats would be there so prove to me you never messaged anyone on there. I did and the only chat that popped up was one with my dad. Again, this wasn't enough she wanted to go through everything herself at this point, no corner of my device had been left untouched, there were surprises in my phone for Xmas for HER, not small ones, ones that took serious time and effort and money to arrange around her work and my kids, but i did it because i'm trying :-(
I said no to handing my phone back again, she had seen all there was to see, then it came....."Fine, if you want us to work, if you really loved me like i do you, you'll do a polygraph test and prove to me you've done nothing wrong" .....What the hell has my life become!?
People can say, and they do believe me "your an idiot, get rid of her, if that was me i'd have left a long time ago from the stuff she puts you through" this morning one of my best friends after i confined in him said "If you take that test, dont call me anymore with your problems, i see and hear everything you feel everyday and it upsets me and i'm not even going through it" i have no social media, i'm not on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat....nothing, i do nothing, i work, eat, drink, bathe and sleep and that is me. If i'm not doing that i'm with her, if i'm not doing something to benefit our relationship i'm with her and my kids. I have no life beyond what you have just read above.
I know i would pass a Polygraph, i dont have £600 spare to prove my innocence but what choice do i have? I refuse i look guilty, i take the test and pass or fail i dont know how these things work, some say accurate, some say placebo, some say its all perceptive, some say its not scientifically proven, different bodies act in different situations.....so then what? Everything goes back to Perfect Happy Family?
The only thing that i believe will happen is i will be waiting for the next event to occur where i am on the receiving end of a sh**ty stick being told i'm doing or have done something wrong.
I said at the start, no secrets, no lies...with you all. I had a past, i wasn't a strong person, i didn't know what i wanted, i was young and thought with my privates and not my head and i did things that i regret in previous relationships, back then i couldn't walk away either, i stayed and tried to make it work but got pulled in a different direction and i was unfaithful because i wasn't happy, i was in a broken relationship left unfulfilled, i was between 16 & 22 maybe...i'm almost 28, i want to settle now, i want to go to work, see my girls, come home to a wife and live a normal quiet settled, stable life and be the envy of people who wish they had what i have....pipe dream!
I have told white lies such as going to the gym and not telling her, she once found a picture on my phone from a previous relationship before i met her and its those things she is insecure about, thats her justification to being this way with me now, she admits she doesn't believe i'm doing anything wrong, its the gaps she needs filling to move on when we weren't together, during that break, did i meet someone else, have i had sex with them, have i hidden things from her like i have hidden going to the Gym in a morning before work. (This again was because she was so opinionated on it and wondered why i wanted to get fit when she likes me as i am, who was it for, what am i suppose to do in that situation!?)
I deal with things the wrong way and i am taking note of it all, i see it probably is me thats caused these issues, but then i'm told i shouldn't accept responsibility for her actions, she saw everything on my phone, it was evident i had done nothing wrong.
Your guidance and thoughts would be a comfort today, please, be brutally honest i'm at crossroads.
Thank you x
My partner asked to use my phone, i obliged, handed it her and she proceeded to do what she needed, handed it me back and we moved on. On the sofa later the evening she asked why i had slept with someone else, this was based on a message she saw in August, i have no secrets in our relationship, as such i have non with anyone here, the message was from the clinic just confirming that all test results were clear. You, like my partner, will ask why you needed to get tested, but the only reason i was there was because i had a tiny lump on my backside. The ONLY reason i didn't mention this to anyone was because i was embarrassed by it, the lump was nothing but a skin tag in the end, but for piece of mind they suggest i do a urine test and some bloods whilst there, hence the "All Clear" result in a text. I explained this and my partner insisted going onto my phone. I again obliged and she went through EVERYTHING, pictures, text messages you name it with a fine tooth comb and a "i'm good at catching people out" smile on her face she found nothing except the number of a female friends flat mate who i once put up some furniture for whilst me and my partner were never spoke beyond that furniture installation. She rang her number, and messaged her to find out that what i was saying was actually factual and i was installing furniture at their flat and the number was exchanged to simply arrange a time to go back and finish (which i never did) I blocked the number and thought nothing more of it as i didn't need my friends flat mates contact details anymore.
Following this, and finding no evidence of wrong doing on my phone i was asked to download my Whatsapp application. I must say, when i got with my partner, i had Snapchat and Whatsapp but due to ongoing trust issues i agreed i would delete them both to keep the peace, i got Whatsapp back once to receive a photo of some guitars from my brother but immediately deleted it afterwards (which can i add i was questioned about as she downloaded the app and saw that i had been online recently) but, sticking to this issue, i did as asked reluctantly i admit, this was because she said all my chats would be there so prove to me you never messaged anyone on there. I did and the only chat that popped up was one with my dad. Again, this wasn't enough she wanted to go through everything herself at this point, no corner of my device had been left untouched, there were surprises in my phone for Xmas for HER, not small ones, ones that took serious time and effort and money to arrange around her work and my kids, but i did it because i'm trying :-(
I said no to handing my phone back again, she had seen all there was to see, then it came....."Fine, if you want us to work, if you really loved me like i do you, you'll do a polygraph test and prove to me you've done nothing wrong" .....What the hell has my life become!?
People can say, and they do believe me "your an idiot, get rid of her, if that was me i'd have left a long time ago from the stuff she puts you through" this morning one of my best friends after i confined in him said "If you take that test, dont call me anymore with your problems, i see and hear everything you feel everyday and it upsets me and i'm not even going through it" i have no social media, i'm not on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat....nothing, i do nothing, i work, eat, drink, bathe and sleep and that is me. If i'm not doing that i'm with her, if i'm not doing something to benefit our relationship i'm with her and my kids. I have no life beyond what you have just read above.
I know i would pass a Polygraph, i dont have £600 spare to prove my innocence but what choice do i have? I refuse i look guilty, i take the test and pass or fail i dont know how these things work, some say accurate, some say placebo, some say its all perceptive, some say its not scientifically proven, different bodies act in different situations.....so then what? Everything goes back to Perfect Happy Family?
The only thing that i believe will happen is i will be waiting for the next event to occur where i am on the receiving end of a sh**ty stick being told i'm doing or have done something wrong.
I said at the start, no secrets, no lies...with you all. I had a past, i wasn't a strong person, i didn't know what i wanted, i was young and thought with my privates and not my head and i did things that i regret in previous relationships, back then i couldn't walk away either, i stayed and tried to make it work but got pulled in a different direction and i was unfaithful because i wasn't happy, i was in a broken relationship left unfulfilled, i was between 16 & 22 maybe...i'm almost 28, i want to settle now, i want to go to work, see my girls, come home to a wife and live a normal quiet settled, stable life and be the envy of people who wish they had what i have....pipe dream!
I have told white lies such as going to the gym and not telling her, she once found a picture on my phone from a previous relationship before i met her and its those things she is insecure about, thats her justification to being this way with me now, she admits she doesn't believe i'm doing anything wrong, its the gaps she needs filling to move on when we weren't together, during that break, did i meet someone else, have i had sex with them, have i hidden things from her like i have hidden going to the Gym in a morning before work. (This again was because she was so opinionated on it and wondered why i wanted to get fit when she likes me as i am, who was it for, what am i suppose to do in that situation!?)
I deal with things the wrong way and i am taking note of it all, i see it probably is me thats caused these issues, but then i'm told i shouldn't accept responsibility for her actions, she saw everything on my phone, it was evident i had done nothing wrong.
Your guidance and thoughts would be a comfort today, please, be brutally honest i'm at crossroads.
Thank you x