Story (is this forum still active?)

What I have been searching for is help for a situation that is far less recognised, let alone there being specific treatment for until the most recent years. I only once found myself in a situation where had to visit a DV counselor. Its very interesting what I discovered after the long ordeal. Was not what I had ever could have guessed.

My husband was serving time because he had gotten involved in a shady business deal with - of all people - his own father. But it was the son who wound up paying the legal penalty for the infraction.

I made a statement in court in his defense. Though this did not ameliorate the ruling. Although I was concerned for his wellbeing while he was sent away, the toll this whole ordeal took on me.

It was beyond profound and not for the reasons one would think.

 I could not have predicted it.

 During that time, I had to receive aid from the state. I was broke. We had money problems leading up to this. But once he went away I was very much in need, financially. My own family was reluctant to help out (with the exception of my own father rest his blessed soul who kindly paid off my car at the time as there was no public transport where I was living then)

My mother in law would send toiletries but never money. Thanks for the washing up towels!

My father in law, (who seemed like a very different person when I first married by the way) I assumed would help me out with my young children. They were too young for school and I had no child care at the time. I also had not been working, minding them full time and volunteering at the school. I reached out to the man and he claimed he would help. I was struggling and had to rely on social services to get at least enough for food on the table. I decided to seperate from my husband as it was proving to be too much at the time. But we waited to tell our families about that. Even he wanted them to help out his wife and young toddlers at the time. That stuck with me. He would make occasional calls and I was in distress because I was afraid

 I found myself shocked at how much I had to grovel to people I loved and cared for in order to be helped.

It turns out I had been smear campaigned behind my back and was unaware of it. Imagine finding yourself in deep difficulty and your own family ( as well as the married into family) being unwilling to help or support you? I decided to start dating someone involved in a campaign I was helping out with at the time. This person hit a few of the red flags and seemed a little too eager to help. He was also a little younger. I had children and had been married and he hadnt at all. I thought it odd. But he told me we were meant for one another. Get this- because he had been talking with a psychic who described me and what I looked like even naming where I was from (about a 4 hour drive from where I was residing at the time) First of all that kind of freaked me out but I thought maybe it was some kind of good thing because I was having such a hard time and my life was filled with such darkness that I just wanted to be optimistic about something. This man had a very good stable job and although not 'dating' yet offered me a credit card that was given him by his employer for travel and other expenses. I was tempted and did take it. But I did not know that his generosity would be a little flaggy later on. After all I did not want to be paranoid! Long story short the guy was a hidden abuser. typcial story where they dont show the true self until a bit later.. in fact one time I thought we were getting a little too close too fast. So I onvited him to a cafe (never do this in your home) and said how much I admired what we had in common but the pace was much faster than I was comfortable with. I wanted to 'take it slow' as I recalled telling him. I also remembered feeling proud that I was setting the pace and was so relaxed when I said it. He  on the other hand  could not seem to contain his outrage. At hearing my boundary. Whew. have you ever seen 'rage' in your abuser ? instantly I was VERY glad we were in public and I chose to not be in an automobile or private residence in that moment. My poor guardian angel was working overtime it seems!

His neck turned shades of red I hadnt seen on him before. his eyes grew not just agry but dark. I honestly cannot remember all the words, but lets just say "lets take it skow" was not rec'd well😬 egads.

  I did see some weird signs after a few months. Asking him to slow down while driving past speed limit was not respected. pinning me against a wall during a disagreement.I had never encountered these things before. he seemed so normal and stable otherwise. breaking boundaries, control issues. once we were at a social event and someone came over to ask me a question and it was a male. well  he wasnt having it. he actually tripped over a small piece of furniture to intervene across a large room, that was super weird. I almost went on a job interview and he advised against it saying he could be my 'bread n butter'.  That was also very odd. I guess it was all the little tells, the smaller flags that went up. Well I had a rough time making ends meet but I new I had to end the realtionship with this man.

After much prayer and meditation and getting more healthy things eventually changed for the better. however in the process I discovered my in laws were deeply hurtful unsupportive and caused much pain and anguish/ there were even smear campaigns. so its ones family (both in my case!) that were abusive so there was no refuge to go to. it was awful. turns out it was my FIL , and get this my own MOTHER. who subverted me and spread lies and gossip so that no one would desire to assist me in my times of need. I could not believe it was going on and developed a panic anxiety thing as a result.

escapeabuse.com (or it might be org) and Luke 17;3 ministries and flyingmonkeysdenied are all fantastic websites to help you if you actually discover you have interfamilar narcissisistic or a sociopath for a parent. its also helpful obviously if you find yourself dating or worse married to a Cluster B personality type/. Godspeed in your good riddance of them!

PS the marriage was actually repaired once we discovered the needle in the haystack so to speak. Long story wont bore you. But belive in yourself and sometimes support can be from an unexpected place. thank you so much for reading my story.  Please write if this is at all still active. Im still dealing with an aging collapsing NPD mother and its alot tougher than the articles say it is.