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Post by A on Sept 16, 2014 15:00:18 GMT
Something happened to me the other day in college and we was speaking about domestic abuse we had to watch a video, and as soon as the man put his hands on his girlfriend the noise automatically scared me and I had a panic attack in college. I didn't realise how much it was effecting me until then, and I've realised I needed to speak to my partner about it. He said "the reason why I am I violent because you say things which piss me off" . I told him it's never been about that because I'm too scared to even have an argument with you over anything. I just know not to do it. I told him I need support with it because I can't cope and understand why it happened. He blames me for all of it and I'm starting to believe him. He said I'm not allowed to go to a cousillor, he found out I wanted to because he saw my phone history of me looking at councillor and I had no choice but to tell him. He wouldn't let it go until I had.
He said "I don't need help, and I don't need support because he'll support me" I refused and said you blame me for the abuse when it's never been about me it's about your own issues. And he just dismissed it. I know he doesn't want me to go to a councillor because he doesn't want anyone to know or think bad of him. In my opinion.
I feel like it's my fault, I was 15 and didn't even understand what was haplening to me until I saw a poster about domestic abuse in my first year of college. I'm now on my third.
It's stressful and I feel to blame for everything.
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janine
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Posts: 1,185
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Post by janine on Sept 17, 2014 2:41:01 GMT
It is not your fault. It never was your fault.
Your boyfriend is an abuser and I hope you can find a way to contact counseling services at the college you are studying at. Maybe you can simply skip a class and walk into the counseling office to make an appointment- and often times they let you come talk to someone right away if they feel it is an emergency.
He will not support you going to get help because abusers know if they isolate you, you will not be able to understand what they do, and how you are never ever going to make him change or make 'him see how much you love him." It is a situation in which you have been set up to fail from the start.
This is not your fault. Reach out for professional help.
You were not born to be controlled and kept hostage by another human being.
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Post by A on Sept 17, 2014 19:23:15 GMT
I wait all day just to read your reply. Genuinely makes me feel a lot better. And I know I wasn't born for this. I'm just scared of the outcomes to be honest.
I've been trying to find out about different councillors which I can go and speak too. their is some near my area but I went when I was younger and I feel they didn't work for me. But I'm willing to try again.
thank you for all your support.
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janine
Member
Admin
Posts: 1,185
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Post by janine on Sept 17, 2014 19:34:54 GMT
If the first counselor you visit does not feel right, try another one. Usually you can google around a bit and see if "healthgrades' gave the therapist a good review. You can also google "warning signs of a bad counselor" -- to understand better what is good counseling practice, and what is not.
Please make sure to use a safe computer though - and delete your entire search history from your web browser.
Is there anyone in your family you trust? Or a close, old friend? Someone you feel in your gut would be able to take this in without blaming you or making it feel heavier than it is?
None of this is your fault. It never was your fault.
We are here.
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