Post by Ruby on Jan 16, 2014 7:34:38 GMT
Hi everyone,
My name is Ruby, I'm 33 and I've been out of my marriage for just over a year. I have two sons, 11 and 8. I recently (4 months ago) started seeing someone new. And he's wonderful and so patient, and the kids just love him. We're taking things VERY slowly. But I've got PTSD and I'd seen big improvements, until I started this new relationship. The nightmares have increased from once a week or so to 3-4 times a week (and have been much more vivid), and I have an exaggerated startle reflex, not just with him, but especially with him. I'm pretty positive that it's nothing he's done, it's just me.
I was with my ex-husband for 12 years. I noticed a major change in him after our second son was born. Our son was born 6 weeks early due to placental abruption and I had to have a hysterectomy at 25. It was a very stressful time for both of us. Once our baby was home, my ex started drinking and using sleeping pills. He threw things, punched holes in walls and hit me a couple of times in those first six months. He blamed the alcohol and I believed it. So I told him if he didn't get himself into rehab, I was going to leave. He went every single week and kept himself clean, and things at home got back to normal for several months. When he started becoming violent again, I asked him if he was drinking again and he swore he wasn't. I didn't believe it. Then I found out from a couple of his friends that he really wasn't drinking. He then started blaming it on stress at work. I know now that it was never the alcohol, and it was never the stress at work; those were just his excuses. And he would always have excuses. Anything to not have to accept the blame.
For the first several years, I never had anything but minor injuries and he was very apologetic. And I felt safe confronting him about things. He seemed like he wanted things to change. Then gradually, he stopped saying sorry, he would blame me for "making" him do things. He became very cold and the violence got worse. He never let it out on the kids, thank God, but they witnessed it a few times and probably heard it more than a few. 15 months ago, he beat me so badly I had to run out of the house at midnight, leaving the kids with him. I was afraid he was going to kill me. I was running down the street, sure he was chasing me. I kept turning around to look back (while running as fast as I could), and I tripped, landing directly on my right elbow. I knew as soon as I landed that it was broken. So I had to walk back home, cradling my arm and praying he'd have calmed down. He had, and he took me to the hospital. I had to have surgery, which included having a plate screwed in, to fix my elbow.
He swore up and down after that incident, that he was going to get help. He said it was all his fault and he hated himself. I was already planning on getting out--I'd decided that at the hospital--but I played along because it wasn't the best time for me to go. I had no job and a very visibly seriously injured elbow that left me unable to drive my stick-shift truck. So I thought I'd just wait it out a few months, then make my move. It didn't take him even a month to hit me again. Then he stayed home from work for three days so I couldn't leave. Not that he stopped me physically, but I was too terrified to try. He basically spent that time going back and forth between talking about how he was going to be a better husband and father, and ranting and raving about it being all my fault. And during those rants, he'd purposely grab my injured elbow and squeeze it until I cried. Then he'd say, "Come on, beg. Beg me to let go." He was like a crazed animal. I thought he was on something for sure. Then after a few days, he just stopped and said we were free to go.
The boys and I spent some time in a shelter, and another three months in hiding, basically, before we found out he'd already moved on and was seeing someone else. Had been seeing her, actually for more than eight months. I filed for divorce and he didn't co test it, didn't even fight for the boys. It was like he couldn't wait to be rid of us. I guess I'm pretty lucky in that regard, but I feel badly for my boys.
So now, there's this amazing new guy, and he doesn't know what to make of this jumpy, nervous woman. Once he grabbed my elbow and I completely melted down, into tears. He was afraid to touch me for a week after that. Every time I see him, I wonder if this is the week I'll finally run him off. Even though he says he's not going anywhere and he'll give me all the time I need. I have forgotten what it feels like to feel normal. And maybe "normal" for me will never feel the same again, but to not feel like I'm falling apart would be great.
My name is Ruby, I'm 33 and I've been out of my marriage for just over a year. I have two sons, 11 and 8. I recently (4 months ago) started seeing someone new. And he's wonderful and so patient, and the kids just love him. We're taking things VERY slowly. But I've got PTSD and I'd seen big improvements, until I started this new relationship. The nightmares have increased from once a week or so to 3-4 times a week (and have been much more vivid), and I have an exaggerated startle reflex, not just with him, but especially with him. I'm pretty positive that it's nothing he's done, it's just me.
I was with my ex-husband for 12 years. I noticed a major change in him after our second son was born. Our son was born 6 weeks early due to placental abruption and I had to have a hysterectomy at 25. It was a very stressful time for both of us. Once our baby was home, my ex started drinking and using sleeping pills. He threw things, punched holes in walls and hit me a couple of times in those first six months. He blamed the alcohol and I believed it. So I told him if he didn't get himself into rehab, I was going to leave. He went every single week and kept himself clean, and things at home got back to normal for several months. When he started becoming violent again, I asked him if he was drinking again and he swore he wasn't. I didn't believe it. Then I found out from a couple of his friends that he really wasn't drinking. He then started blaming it on stress at work. I know now that it was never the alcohol, and it was never the stress at work; those were just his excuses. And he would always have excuses. Anything to not have to accept the blame.
For the first several years, I never had anything but minor injuries and he was very apologetic. And I felt safe confronting him about things. He seemed like he wanted things to change. Then gradually, he stopped saying sorry, he would blame me for "making" him do things. He became very cold and the violence got worse. He never let it out on the kids, thank God, but they witnessed it a few times and probably heard it more than a few. 15 months ago, he beat me so badly I had to run out of the house at midnight, leaving the kids with him. I was afraid he was going to kill me. I was running down the street, sure he was chasing me. I kept turning around to look back (while running as fast as I could), and I tripped, landing directly on my right elbow. I knew as soon as I landed that it was broken. So I had to walk back home, cradling my arm and praying he'd have calmed down. He had, and he took me to the hospital. I had to have surgery, which included having a plate screwed in, to fix my elbow.
He swore up and down after that incident, that he was going to get help. He said it was all his fault and he hated himself. I was already planning on getting out--I'd decided that at the hospital--but I played along because it wasn't the best time for me to go. I had no job and a very visibly seriously injured elbow that left me unable to drive my stick-shift truck. So I thought I'd just wait it out a few months, then make my move. It didn't take him even a month to hit me again. Then he stayed home from work for three days so I couldn't leave. Not that he stopped me physically, but I was too terrified to try. He basically spent that time going back and forth between talking about how he was going to be a better husband and father, and ranting and raving about it being all my fault. And during those rants, he'd purposely grab my injured elbow and squeeze it until I cried. Then he'd say, "Come on, beg. Beg me to let go." He was like a crazed animal. I thought he was on something for sure. Then after a few days, he just stopped and said we were free to go.
The boys and I spent some time in a shelter, and another three months in hiding, basically, before we found out he'd already moved on and was seeing someone else. Had been seeing her, actually for more than eight months. I filed for divorce and he didn't co test it, didn't even fight for the boys. It was like he couldn't wait to be rid of us. I guess I'm pretty lucky in that regard, but I feel badly for my boys.
So now, there's this amazing new guy, and he doesn't know what to make of this jumpy, nervous woman. Once he grabbed my elbow and I completely melted down, into tears. He was afraid to touch me for a week after that. Every time I see him, I wonder if this is the week I'll finally run him off. Even though he says he's not going anywhere and he'll give me all the time I need. I have forgotten what it feels like to feel normal. And maybe "normal" for me will never feel the same again, but to not feel like I'm falling apart would be great.