Post by Jade on Jan 21, 2014 4:24:30 GMT
Hi all,
I don't know if you remember me. I was on the Rhiannon3 message board. I left my partner of 7 years back in November 2011. We had known each other since high school, but didn't begin a serious relationship until I was 29. He was sort of passive-aggressive: if you've read Lundy Bancroft's work, think the "Water Torturer". The type who would twist every argument around to make it my fault. He'd insult me, my judgement, and my motives, accuse me of being selfish, not appreciating him, whatever he knew would get me riled up and angry until I finally snapped back, then he'd slap me or shove me, I'd hit back and it would escalate from there, until I'd give in just because I was too tired or too hurt to go on. It probably wouldn't have gone beyond slaps and shoves if I'd just taken it instead of fighting back, but I always fought back. For the record, I wouldn't recommend this. In the end, he'd overpower me and I'd give up out of sheer exhaustion or because I was too hurt to continue, and he'd "win" anyway.
The final straw was when my partner spent the money I was saving to visit my grandparents (who have since passed away) in Australia, on a new truck, then attacked me with his fists and a belt when I didn't appreciate his "gift". After I left, he came after me a couple of times but after 2 stints in jail he finally gave up. I haven't seen him in over a year.
At the beginning of 2012, I met a man named Jason. We were only friends at first, but after several months, our relationship took off. After lots and lots of therapy and learning how to trust myself, and him, we are now engaged! We'll be getting married in March. Also, I got the best Christmas present ever last month. I met my daughter, who I gave her up for adoption when I was 19. She is a beautiful and brilliant young woman. She graduated high school with honors and she's now a freshman in college, majoring in marine biology. Wow! Her adoptive parents were totally supportive our meeting, which was awesome. She lives far away, but we talk on the phone about once a week and are planning on getting together again this summer. She wants me to meet her mom and dad! I suspect the issue of her biological father is going to come up eventually. She knows that I don't know who he is, but she hasn't wanted to talk about it so far.
My mom is still married to my stepfather, going on nearly 30 years now. Sadly, I don't think that's going to change, but I've had to move on. I see my mom once or twice a year, but don't visit her at her house anymore. I think it's made both of our lives easier.
So, that's my life now. I'm still going for monthly counseling, still going to a DV support group, and still going to AA--I have almost 18 months sober now! And of course I still have issues--I don't know that they'll ever go away completely, but I can say that with the support of friends and an amazing man, I finally feel a sense of "normalcy" for the first time since I was 10 years old and that's something I thought I'd never feel again.
I don't know if you remember me. I was on the Rhiannon3 message board. I left my partner of 7 years back in November 2011. We had known each other since high school, but didn't begin a serious relationship until I was 29. He was sort of passive-aggressive: if you've read Lundy Bancroft's work, think the "Water Torturer". The type who would twist every argument around to make it my fault. He'd insult me, my judgement, and my motives, accuse me of being selfish, not appreciating him, whatever he knew would get me riled up and angry until I finally snapped back, then he'd slap me or shove me, I'd hit back and it would escalate from there, until I'd give in just because I was too tired or too hurt to go on. It probably wouldn't have gone beyond slaps and shoves if I'd just taken it instead of fighting back, but I always fought back. For the record, I wouldn't recommend this. In the end, he'd overpower me and I'd give up out of sheer exhaustion or because I was too hurt to continue, and he'd "win" anyway.
The final straw was when my partner spent the money I was saving to visit my grandparents (who have since passed away) in Australia, on a new truck, then attacked me with his fists and a belt when I didn't appreciate his "gift". After I left, he came after me a couple of times but after 2 stints in jail he finally gave up. I haven't seen him in over a year.
At the beginning of 2012, I met a man named Jason. We were only friends at first, but after several months, our relationship took off. After lots and lots of therapy and learning how to trust myself, and him, we are now engaged! We'll be getting married in March. Also, I got the best Christmas present ever last month. I met my daughter, who I gave her up for adoption when I was 19. She is a beautiful and brilliant young woman. She graduated high school with honors and she's now a freshman in college, majoring in marine biology. Wow! Her adoptive parents were totally supportive our meeting, which was awesome. She lives far away, but we talk on the phone about once a week and are planning on getting together again this summer. She wants me to meet her mom and dad! I suspect the issue of her biological father is going to come up eventually. She knows that I don't know who he is, but she hasn't wanted to talk about it so far.
My mom is still married to my stepfather, going on nearly 30 years now. Sadly, I don't think that's going to change, but I've had to move on. I see my mom once or twice a year, but don't visit her at her house anymore. I think it's made both of our lives easier.
So, that's my life now. I'm still going for monthly counseling, still going to a DV support group, and still going to AA--I have almost 18 months sober now! And of course I still have issues--I don't know that they'll ever go away completely, but I can say that with the support of friends and an amazing man, I finally feel a sense of "normalcy" for the first time since I was 10 years old and that's something I thought I'd never feel again.